Lost in the Patterns

by Post-Modern Panic

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03:31
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credits

released June 21, 2013

Lyrics by Rachel Adele Cabaniol

Music by Karl Messerschmidt and Rachel Cabaniol

Recorded by Greg Darigis

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about

Post-Modern Panic Hartford, Connecticut

Post-Modern Panic is a three piece rock band consisting of vocalist Rachel Adele, guitarist Karl Messerschmidt, and drummer Tim Bojanowski. Hailing from Hartford, CT, the group broke onto the Connecticut scene in 2012 and had a breakout year in 2013 with the release of its debut album, Lost in the Patterns. ... more

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Track Name: Mia
Love,
I'm sorry for every time
you brought me to my knees

And I'm sorry for how
I could not afford to scream

And I love
How you bled for me
On your knees

And I love
How you died for me
While I screamed

I miss
The grip, of your hands
around my neck

And I miss
The burn of your blood
In my chest

And I love
How your scars remain
Carved into my skin

And I love
How you remind me
Of how I've sinned

Ooohhh
No

And I need you still

And i was born inside of you
And I will lie in wait for you

You

Mia, I feel you still

And as the water runs into my eyes
I find my failings rise
And as you break into my flesh
With each and every painful breathe
you take the pain away from me

So sing to me your tragedy
Track Name: The Last Breath Of March
I feel it beating
Deep inside of me
and i feel the sores seething
As I plead

Your kiss cuts into me
If only you'd realize how deep I bleed
oh how Ive
failed you

I feel it beating
Deep inside of me
and i feel the sores seething
As I plead

The dawn broke against your smile
And I sensed chaos in you
Oh how I've
Failed you

I feel it beating
Deep inside of me
and i feel the sores seething
As I plead

Please
Track Name: Emily
Her hair drapes down the back of her neck
She burns into my eyes with the red of her cigarette
Caught off guard with that devious stare
I can tell by the flick of her tongue that she’s not going anywhere

Emily
You’re exactly where I oughtta be
Who-oa
Emily
I’m fixated on your remedy
Who-oa

My fear drenched in whiskey my logic in rum
The smell of her perfume makes my body numb
She pulls me in with a drag of her cigarette
I’m weighed down by the gravity of her silhouette

Emily
You’re exactly where I oughtta be
Who-oa
Emily
I’m fixated on your remedy
Who-oa

Coy, cruel, calculated
The arc of her waist gets me frustrated
Gentle notes siftin’ through my mind
Fuel my reckless intentions when the volume subsides

Emily
You’re exactly where I oughtta be
Who-oa
Emily
I’m fixated on your remedy
Who-oa

Her hair drapes down the back of her neck
She burns into my eyes with the red of her cigarette
Caught off guard with that devious stare
I can tell by the flick of her tongue that she’s not going anywhere
Track Name: Bubblegum
Those bubblegum melodies
That I never really bought into
They only serve to remind me
Of the ---- you put me through

I’m sorry that I have a mind of my own
And I’m sorry that I gave you control
That won’t happen anymore
And I thought you should know

Maybe I’m a little bit selfish
But you are
You’re narcissistic, you’re manipulative
You’re a god damn hypocrite

So I drink to me, I drink to you I drink to the lies I bought into
I drink to the bull----, the white picket fence
Memories
I drink to the dreams that you sold for me
That won’t happen anymore

And the sad thing is
That I still try to please you
And it’s even more pathetic that I
Think I might be like you

So I drink to me, I drink to you I drink to the lies I bought into
I drink to the bull----, the white picket fence
Memories
I drink to the dreams that you sold for me
That won’t happen anymore

So I drink to me, I drink to you I drink to the lies I bought into
I drink to the bull----, the white picket fence
Memories
I drink to the dreams that you sold for me
That won’t happen anymore
Track Name: The Trappings Of Memory And A Broken Boy
His passions were Contrary
To his dreams of the literary
And his ritualized violence
Hung beneath the stars in silence

The voices were consuming
Their absence was deafening
And our broken reality
Was born in fantasy

The ground was stained red
By the blood pooling in his hands
And he said we'd begin again
But our love met a violent end

His kiss it consumed me
Its absence was deafening
And his broken fantasies
Became our reality

I find relief
At the bottom
Of my grief
I wont die for you
He bleeds
For memories
Forsaken
By memories
I wont cry for you
Mother
Father
I sacrificed my only wish for him
Please forgive me of my sin
Please Save me

His freshly seeping wounds
That He let me sink my teeth into
Tasted of midnight goodbyes
And the black of his fractured sight

The voices were consuming
Their absence was deafening
And his broken reality
Was born inside fantasy

I find relief
At the bottom
Of my grief
I wont cry for you
He bleeds
Forsaken
By memories
I wont die for you
Mother
Father
I sacrificed my only wish for him
Please forgive me my sin
Please Save me

Mother
Father
I sacrificed my only wish for him
Please forgive me of my sin
Save me
Save me
Please save me
Track Name: In Time
Memories spread out along a line
And I feel the fault lines in our time
The darkness burns within light
So I count the moments till I'm in your sight
It was easier when we were blind
To the faulty facades that mirrored our crimes
But I'm tired of chasing that light
Within my deserted mind

You're far away
Tell me what you think about our
Changing ways
Flashback I'm holding onto everything you said

Those thoughts still infect my mind
The clock face counts the moments
And the cracks that you left behind
But in the darkness I still see the light
Of the path that you left me on
And the promise that we'll all be there
Because I'm tired of chasing that line
Within my deserted mind

You're far away
Tell me what you think about our
Changing ways
Flashback I'm holding onto everything you said

I need relief
I hear you whispering
Leading me to sleep
And I can't dream until I know what's
Awaiting me
And I can't breathe until I see you here
Beside me

You're far away
Tell me what you think about our
Changing ways
Flashback I'm holding onto everything you said

You're far away
Tell me what you think about our
Changing ways
Flashback I'm holding onto everything you said

Everything you said
Everything you said to me
Flashback I'm holding onto everything you said

You're far away
Tell me what you think about our
Changing ways
Flashback I'm holding onto everything you said

Everything you said to me
Everything you said
Flashback I'm holding onto everything
Track Name: The Trip
Eyes focus through a blurred strand of understanding, until logic verified it was only her hair. She’s a bit lost, and I suppose reality lost itself along the way, although she has now found herself happily residing in her head and the universe, and at this point fantasy and the infinite possibilities of the unknown have proven the only valuable method of coping. It may have appeared to be leading to a fusion of creativity and color but it would seem those bonds can be so easily torn, there is always a bit of lingering heat, and passing flames.

It’s possible for her to define these feelings as mistakes; but she pretends she has learned to appreciate them as lessons. There once was a taste of the absolute, some transient passion that was fed into herself intravenously, and soon upon she discovered that withdrawal was a permanent state. On weekends she would blend her tainted blood with chemical comforts, and slip back into sweet fiction. She would write her own existence. there were limited possibilities there, and this empty reality was simply one battered perception.

Decomposing and distant, a shattered piece of fiction sat reclining against the wall. She was delicate, exposed, wasted, eternally fading but never nonexistent. Stuck in this limbo out of reach of limbs and the tranquility of a rested conscience, she found her formulated existence. She felt an unknown force slowly bending her bones, manipulating her movements, and shaping her thoughts. In all this time she wished to control the outcome, and yet fate still remained the oppressive victor.

Comforted only by hollowed hearts and dying dreams, she stayed hidden behind a wall whose stability and perfection she was nauseating in the company of. Beyond it she imagined there were clouds of amber. Pure and delicate creations, were bound in her aching mind, beyond even her comprehension. She breathed the passing air that only nature could compete with, but along with her vision, her senses were crushed within the black hole that was consuming what bit of reality remained. She held onto one image, one physical understanding of what had been, but along with her existence as she had known it to be, it slipped into some turbulent stream of collapsing matter and nothingness. What remained was only her twisted subconscious, but she stood witness to a cloudy formation within the vast expanse of emptiness. from its transcendent presence a torrent of color clouded her dark visions.

As each strand of consciousness formed and bound to what seemed to be reality, a raw and unforgiving fence replaced the wall she dreamed beyond. Still that foreign presence stayed visible through calloused chains and defensive barbed wire. It ripped into her flesh, claiming bits of her spine and tissue. It pained her and taunted her. Teeth gnawed at her soft guilt ridden skin, and she was reminded of the f---ing brutal taste of humanity that replaced a lingering state of reverie. Trapped in some tortuous dream she held onto the mistakes and something sweet that called from what she now understood. She had lost to fate, and reality and the impossible swarmed her cluttered thoughts. There was no line, no definition; her tainted instinct had led her to waste in a surreal plain, some metaphysical nightmare. She prayed it was a lucid trance, but she only felt her thoughts stabbing into her brain stem. This is what she had created out of blackness, in the infinite void, in the limitless plain of possibilities.
Track Name: Bless These City Streets
Drown me in your melody
Lord
Tonight you are with me
Bless these city streets

Feel you with my fingers
Lord
Against your broken figure
Bless these city streets

Take my dreams
‘Cause I’ve felt any truth but I know
I’m in love again
With you

I have found my peace
Lord
Through liquor and concrete
Bless these city streets

You run through my veins
Lord
At your altar I have laid
Bless these city streets

Take me, break me
Take me, break me
Take me, break me
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
I’m coming home
I’m coming home